How.

 How do you unburden yourself to the person you don't want to be a burden to?

BANSHEE

 It was just about enough. Crying so hard she would throw up. Crying herself to sleep, wich ended on a massive headache. Food tasted like cardboard. Breathing was just painfull. And joy was nowhere to be found.

Feelings bubbling up inside. So much noise inside her head. She just wanted everything to be quiet. She just wanted to scream so loud it would tune everything else down. She just needed to do it. So much regret in her soul for making that promise. She shouldn't have. Why was she holding herself to that promise, anyway? 

But then again, what was she supossed to do? She didn't even know what the right thing was anymore. Leaving seemed right. That would liberate the keeper of her promise as well. But was it wrong leaving her? Didn't feel like it, but she couldn't tell anymore. Was it selfish or selfless. Was breaking her promise wrong because, well, breaking it was wrong, or because she new deep down she just wanted it known she had broken it, so she would be conforted.

There was a voight inside of her. Filled with nothing but hurt. She just wanted to scream.

Pick your poison.

 There were drugs. There was alcohol. Ande there was her.

THE OLD NORMAL

Crying was becaming the new normal. It was the old normal as well. But there was a period inbetween where it was not. Granted, it was only because she was so numb she could barely feel anything, but there she was. Wondering whether she was better off that way. When everything went just right through her. Not too long ago she told someone she woukd rather stay feeling things, even though most of them were bad, because feeling them was better than being lost in herself.

Boy was she wrong.

And there she was. Trying to remember how she got herself into that state of numbness before. Or if, maybe, it would just be better and easier to just put an end to it all.

Well, there you have it.

And after all those years, there she was again. Right back at the begining.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Se miró al espejo con la esperanza de que su reflejo ilustrase la felicidad que por fin había alcanzado. Solo vio a una chica de sonrisa radiante y ojos tristes. Unos ojos que sabían que, antes o después, todo se vendría abajo. Y, cuanto más subes, más dura es la caída.

It's been a while.

Hoy Rachel ha tenido un mal día. Hoy, Rachel ha tenido que luchar contra sí misma. Hoy los viejos hábitos han vuelto a ella. Hoy, las mismas soluciones han acudido a su mente. Hoy, las ha vencido con margen escaso.

Mañana, apostará contra si misma y ganará, pero no habrá celebraciones, pues perderá la partida.